Yay, I’m moving to a new country - I get to LIVE that country’s
REAL culture, lifestyle and experiences, not to mention all of the nearby
countries providing endless travel opportunities for weekends and holidays. Then
there is the excitement of exploring the new country, trying to learn the
language. It’s like a holiday but it’s your life! A “wanderlusting” girl’s
dream come true… or is it?
Don’t get me wrong, all of those things are incredible, and
oh how I am blessed to live such a life of adventure and to have so many unique
experiences – and to be honest I wouldn’t have it any other way… at least not
for a few years (or maybe ever?!!) Even simple things like going to the
supermarket or trying to order food when everything is in a language you don’t
speak can be so exciting – remember the good old lucky dips as a kid? It’s like
that but with everything!!! BEST EVER!
What you don’t see behind the whirlwind of glamorous and incredible
photo memories and social media posts is the full picture…
It is sometimes hard. It is confusing. Then there are the other
times where it makes you so angry you feel like you want to stab someone in the
eye… or shake them and their infuriating system so hard it breaks, so you can
build a new ‘normal’ one. One like you’re used to… Of course the idiosyncrasies
of said systems and cultural norms that drive you crazy are one of the things
you hold so dearly when you ponder why you love the country so much or what
makes it such an exciting or fun adventure. All you can really do is strap
yourself in for the ride, convince yourself that it is in fact hilarious and laugh
like a mad woman so you don’t turn into the mad shopping bag lady you remember
always wandering around Hobart…
Another thing everyone forgot to tell you, is that being an
expat can be oh so lonely.... Remember all of those special people in your
life? Yes, they’re still a part of your life but it’s different... You’re not
there to celebrate the smaller milestones with them; sometimes you even miss
the big milestones. You’re not there to spend holidays with family. You know
that friends or family are going through things you want to be there for them
and to give them a real hug. Everyone keeps living their lives, things are changing
and you’re not around. It’s hard to feel like a special part of someone’s life
when you’re simply not there – you feel left out. Not because you aren’t loved
or valued but because you’re just NOT there!
And let’s give Facebook, emails and Instagram a big HOORAY (especially
after so many months without proper access to it in China)! It’s great, however
sometimes I feel like people might be jealous or sick of seeing all of my
adventure posts… and whilst I’m loving my adventures and so grateful for them, don’t
forget that although I am enormously happy for you – I can sometimes be jealous
of your posts – sad to not be there with you, not to be in my native country and enjoying
all of the wonderful things it has to offer, being in my familiar old job, seeing
childhood friends, grocery shopping with the luxury of buying nearly anything I
want, and being with people who “get me” and just know me without me having to
explain a single thing to them. So yes - I’m lovingly jealous of each and every
one of you. But thank you Facebook – because despite feeling lovingly jealous I
LOVE being able to see how everyone is doing in their lives. There is that
feeling, however, that I’m always left with, the one where I feel that I am not
able to connect fully with them through Facebook. It feels like we’re in touch
as we view each other regularly online and get enough information to know the
gist of where our lives are at, but it is only the true friends that you know
what’s going on behind the scenes. I think it makes people forget how different
it is to truly connect with a person, even through Skype, or via phone. To hear
someone’s voice from the other side of the world can mean the world to you when
you feel all alone in a foreign country.
Then there is the making of friends. It is SO hard to meet
new people when you’re living in a new foreign city – even more so if you don’t
speak the language. You’re not hanging
out in hostels like when you’re travelling, meeting locals or fellow
travellers… you’re in this weird hybrid of an expat community vs local life.
For me, it’s not that I think I’m better than expats (I am an expat after all..)
but I love to experience all a country has to offer and that for me is really
living as much like a local as I can, making friends with locals, eating like a
local, partying like a local and trying to learn their language (yes I failed a
bit at this language part in China – I’m sorry but I still don’t know which
tone is horse and which one is mother when I say Ma.. Thank goodness Romanian
is easier!). The fact of the matter is, I don’t want to go to an Irish pub in
China, I want to go to KTV like the locals do, drink hawthorn juice and chew on
sunflower seeds. This desire needs to be balanced with wanting to find that
sense of community or some way to feel like you really fit in… and to have
people “get you”... and the reality is that isn’t always possible with some
cultural barriers.
One quote that really resonated with me after a night out in
a big group of people was this:
“People think
being alone makes you lonely, but I don’t think that’s true. Being surrounded
by the wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world.” (Kim Cuberison).
It’s not that everyone wasn’t lovely and they truly were,
but I get bored with small talk… and there is only so much to say – I want to
know the real person behind the small talk. No-one “got me” and I just didn’t
have that click with anyone that night. I’m not talking about that awesome familiarity
with a lifelong friend where no matter how long it’s been, it’s always the same;
I’m talking about when you meet someone and you go – “I like you human” and
it’s as if you’ve known them forever. The other thing is there are people you
click with but they live here already and already have a life so fitting in
with it isn’t always easy either…. especially when you have endless free time
and it seems like forever in between social events!
Despite the culture shock and the loneliness that comes
before you’ve a chance to build a life, you can be grateful for this: you have all
the time you’ve ever wanted (and even the time you don’t want) with yourself.
You’ll bare your weaknesses to yourself, layer by layer , you can’t hide behind
anything. You’ll also uncover your strengths and learn to show kindness and
love to yourself through both the weaknesses and the strengths you hold.
